i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
