Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
