Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
