Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
