I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
