Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
