bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
