When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
