someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Vodka?
Forever.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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