So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
