Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
