Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
