Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
