alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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