First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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