mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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