party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
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don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
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My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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