ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
