Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
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Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
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In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
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