I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I would fuck him just for his dog
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