you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
