Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
