Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
