arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
