John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
