the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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