I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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