My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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