Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I will pee on everything he values.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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