No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
