I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
