was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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