So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
