areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
