dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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