she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
