I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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