nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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