I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
