She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
