if you like me you must not know who I am
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We just shotgunned beers for America
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
