My brain says no but my pants say off.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
