I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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