Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i believe in u and ur pee
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
