Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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