homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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