whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
