did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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