i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
