Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
