I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
