Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
