I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
