you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
