And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
