I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
How external is "for external use only"?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
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