they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
