If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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