U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
