I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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