I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
