My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
