i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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