Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
