feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
