theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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