just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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