Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
