Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
