I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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