turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
