So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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