PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
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On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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