I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
