i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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