so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
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Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
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Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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